WEDNESDAY 14

Jackie Beat: The Nutcracker continues Jackie Beat’s mission to poison every sacred belief and holiday tradition. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa or Ramadan, an evening with Jackie Beat is always the perfect antidote to holiday cheer. This new holiday show is a virtual stocking stuffed with hilarious new seasonal material including “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Syphilis” about the gift that keeps on giving: STD’s! and some classic Christmas Jackie including her cocaine-fueled rewrite of “Let It Snow,” the pregnancy confessional “Santa’s Baby,” a menorah-loving “Jew Christmas,” a booze-infused spin on “Happy Holidays” called “Alcoholidaze,” and the self-explanatory “I Saw Daddy Doin’ Santa Claus.”

The Laurie Beechman Theater, 407 West 42nd St at Ninth Ave, NYC, 212-352-3101,  Wednesday, Dec. 14 – Sunday, Dec. 18 at 7:30pm with an added 10pm show on Saturday, Dec. 17, $20-$22 ($15 food/drink min)