{"id":28945,"date":"2015-02-06T12:34:23","date_gmt":"2015-02-06T17:34:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/?p=28945"},"modified":"2015-02-06T12:34:23","modified_gmt":"2015-02-06T17:34:23","slug":"op-ed-colberts-patriotism-breaks-the-internet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/?p=28945","title":{"rendered":"Op-ed: Colbert’s Patriotism Breaks The Internet?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Colbert-Nation-The-Colbert-Report-Comedy-Central-2-600x445\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The internet is a horrible invention. It\u2019d be one thing if Google was a gateway to your dead parents or an app called \u201cWater-board a Banker\u201d or if FaceBook scrolled jealousy updates, but instead, liars strip in the basement of YouTube\u2019s cabaret. God is the booker; he pushes tacky videos, synthetic music, plus a wave of opinions written in black words against a very white, corporate-backed iPad screen, opinions that are essentially shit out of a dark tunnel of Daddy issues. Tweets about anything from North Korea to religion to tight underwear are rarely wise, just hyped. They\u2019re a catalogue of blanket statements that when taken as a whole, are pretty fucking toxic.<\/p>\n

Yes, God bless Twitter, a farce starring everyone: ass-kissers; drunks; mildly funny white men; Marc Maron; a philosophical Indian; Obama; Kim Kardashian; Ai Wei Wei; snarky girls who write \u201ccum\u201d so followers do; Girls<\/em>; jihadists; yellin\u2019 liberals; gun-totin\u2019 Libertarians; soccer stars; spiritual shit; vapid thoughts; ongoing wars- they all paint on that white background framed by Apple. Daily, I get pissed at some girl who \u201cRT\u2019s\u201d Taylor Swift because her mind is a sieve that refines flour. I\u2019m sure she\u2019s preoccupied with online shopping sites and the shape of her tits, binge-eating mascara like Pac-Man<\/em>; hunting men like a Call of Duty <\/em>console. Better to get angry at America\u2019s billionaires, who\u2019ve turned this country into a zoo for sedated animals; for lions, antelope, rabbits and insects lying in a food coma, too jaded to shake the cage. Neo-capitalism doesn\u2019t work, but rules like a god. It\u2019s an Apollonian wildfire- a hot breathe that sears the land. We civilians just sit and watch it burn.<\/p>\n

All November, I laughed at The Colbert Report<\/em> like a French widow. Colbert is our plutocracy\u2019s Moliere; he rubs self-indulgence in our face like a frat boy who enjoys a Big Mac in front of Russians. While other news parodies (all helmed by Caucasian men, except The<\/em> Nightly Show<\/em>) jab at the status quo thoughtfully, Colbert whips out his cock and urinates on the tree of shame-his conscience is free. He admits to being part of the \u201cApple\u201d construct while it rusts, to having one foot in Goldman Saks and the other in moral outrage. And so, he embodies the new American archetype- the political bipolar. He\u2019s a money-making, pro-choice, porn-watching, civil rights-driven, Mexican-fearing patriot; a m\u00e9lange of contradicting views whose blend aptly embraces America\u2019s political complex. The Southerner has a classy suit but the brain of a whore; the right and left sides work together to fuck everyone in the government. The Colbert Report <\/em>reflected everyone\u2019s distrust of both liberals and conservatives-his erratic opinions were a metaphor for their twitter feeds.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll never forget when Colbert asked the President: \u201cNow, Mr. President\u2026we don\u2019t see eye to eye on everything\u2026. but let me ask you this: Barack Obama, great president or greatest<\/em> president?<\/em>\u201d Obama blushed. Again Colbert, the highly caffeinated, sociopathic flirt, made our hearts beat with lefty mixed messages. A star amid plodding comets, his gaze is so direct and his jokes so penetrating, hereally<\/em> slays when the show\u2019s termination is announced. Who else is going knock out Michelle Bachman, Fox News and political correctness in one round and then, like Mohammed Ali, declare, \u201cI am the greatest\u201d? \u201cThe Nation\u201d cheered this for a reason-he is<\/em>. Colbert is the diva who riotously sang America\u2019s partisan opera.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a0Laura Dinnebeil <\/a>\u00a0(Comedy Central\u2019s \u201cTough Crowd with Colin Quinn\u201d) has been published by NY Press, Timeout NY and\u00a0Zeitgeistworld.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

 
\nThe internet is a horrible invention. It\u2019d be one thing if Google was a gateway to your dead parents or an app called \u201cWater-board a Banker\u201d or if FaceBook scrolled jealousy updates, but instead, liars strip in the basement of YouTube\u2019s cabaret. God is the booker; he pushes tacky videos, synthetic music, plus a wave […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16],"tags":[945,4571],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28945"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=28945"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28945\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":28948,"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28945\/revisions\/28948"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=28945"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=28945"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zeitgeistworld.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=28945"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}